Well the 30 Day Boy-Fast is Half over...so let's do a little reflection and update on how it is going. Boys smell, they only want to look cool, and they worry just as much as girls...they just don't admit it. Ha ha...Just kidding...and maybe I am not.
For real though, here we go. Might get deep up in here, so put on the mukluks and let's go wading. I find it very hard right now to be single. Most of the time I am happy and okay. I know that I am a great person. I know that I am fabulous...and I am not just saying that. I really know that I am. I guess I have just been reflecting over the relationships in my life and doing some contemplation. I have had moments of love in my life. I have had moments of happiness. I have loved much, given much and given up much. But where has that gotten me or what has been given to me in return?
I know that I do not need someone else to make me feel good about myself. I do not need a boyfriend to have an ego boost. I can stand alone and stand tall. But I feel like my problem is that my heart is so big that I love others intensely deep. Because of that I expect to have it in return or I search for that in someone else. I long and ache for that. That is what is hard to deal with. The lack of love in return. I feel like I get into relationships with boys that I think can love me in return this way and I wind up putting them first with out them doing the same thing for me. Therefore, I lose myself and what I like the most about me, I become neglected, and start to realize that I am in the wrong relationship.
In these past relationships I have proven myself to these "boys" as being an extraordinary girl and they need to have me. This is flattering and makes me feel like they are going to treat me well. Not so though. What I need to do is find someone that feels this way about me, but then proves to me through actions why they are also the same way. However, when I say..."I need to find someone", this is a term that I need to define. In past situations...I have been my amazing flirty self and given lots of attention to boys and in a way have chased after them. I am going to try a new approach. I will not be doing any chasing. I will let my position known that I am available, but if they are interested they need to do the initiating. They need to show me from the beginning that they are putting me first and not the other way around.
All of this is hard, but I need a new approach if so far nothing has given me a successful relationship. And let's be honest...I have babies that are waiting for bodies...so I need to be willing to mix things up a bit and try a new approach. I am not saying that I will be happy all the time and loving this trial run, but I am willing. It is hard right now especially with the holidays around the corner. I think of the happy moments that I have had and it is hard to know that I am alone right now. I just have to have faith that Heavenly Father is leading me down the path that I should be going.
So, take faith and do not trust smiley cats pointing in multiple directions, or potions that promise a fix-all if drank. Let's see where the other half of the 30 Day Boy-Fast gets me.
For real though, here we go. Might get deep up in here, so put on the mukluks and let's go wading. I find it very hard right now to be single. Most of the time I am happy and okay. I know that I am a great person. I know that I am fabulous...and I am not just saying that. I really know that I am. I guess I have just been reflecting over the relationships in my life and doing some contemplation. I have had moments of love in my life. I have had moments of happiness. I have loved much, given much and given up much. But where has that gotten me or what has been given to me in return?
I know that I do not need someone else to make me feel good about myself. I do not need a boyfriend to have an ego boost. I can stand alone and stand tall. But I feel like my problem is that my heart is so big that I love others intensely deep. Because of that I expect to have it in return or I search for that in someone else. I long and ache for that. That is what is hard to deal with. The lack of love in return. I feel like I get into relationships with boys that I think can love me in return this way and I wind up putting them first with out them doing the same thing for me. Therefore, I lose myself and what I like the most about me, I become neglected, and start to realize that I am in the wrong relationship.
In these past relationships I have proven myself to these "boys" as being an extraordinary girl and they need to have me. This is flattering and makes me feel like they are going to treat me well. Not so though. What I need to do is find someone that feels this way about me, but then proves to me through actions why they are also the same way. However, when I say..."I need to find someone", this is a term that I need to define. In past situations...I have been my amazing flirty self and given lots of attention to boys and in a way have chased after them. I am going to try a new approach. I will not be doing any chasing. I will let my position known that I am available, but if they are interested they need to do the initiating. They need to show me from the beginning that they are putting me first and not the other way around.
All of this is hard, but I need a new approach if so far nothing has given me a successful relationship. And let's be honest...I have babies that are waiting for bodies...so I need to be willing to mix things up a bit and try a new approach. I am not saying that I will be happy all the time and loving this trial run, but I am willing. It is hard right now especially with the holidays around the corner. I think of the happy moments that I have had and it is hard to know that I am alone right now. I just have to have faith that Heavenly Father is leading me down the path that I should be going.
So, take faith and do not trust smiley cats pointing in multiple directions, or potions that promise a fix-all if drank. Let's see where the other half of the 30 Day Boy-Fast gets me.
4 comments:
You rock Lolly :) 1st - love your posts. 2nd like your half in half title - maybe the give and take is half and half - you give a little and let him give a little vs all or none. Healthy relationships are never one sided - just as you said.
3rd - I am so sorry we couldn't make it to your pie party. Ben has been sick all weekend and usually that doesn't stop him (like going to a hockey game) but sunday he totally hit a wall and slept half the day away and was totally KOed. Please plan another party so we can come! Please!? :)
I love you, Lolly! Stay strong. I know he's out there somewhere, probably wondering where you are too.
Sounds like you are in the right direction. There is no perfect relationship. There is a lot of give and take but often you will have to give 100%. He will feel like he is giving 100%. We just give in different ways.
Great post. Once you find him do give 100%. Look for a man who is more interested in your comforts than he is in his own. I know they are out there because I found one. Keep close to the temple, your scriptures and your Father in Heaven. He will not lead you down the wrong path.
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