Life As I Know It.

So, here I am, Wyoming. Seems a bit strange that I am here. We had our first blizzard this week. Everyone tells me that this is nothing and it will get much worse. Nice! Just Nice!!! I have settled into a routine. My days are filled with a mix of the following activities where I find myself running from one event to the next: school (work), new teacher training meetings, committee meetings, dentist, orthodontist, water aerobics, late night netflix, low blood sugar attacks, leading the music at church. Sounds so exciting doesn't it? Well, the part that you can't see are all the smiles.
The kids that love me every single day. The kids that tell me I am the best teacher in the world. Even on the days that I am having an attack and the crankiest witch in the world. I do not deserve them. Sure this is Halloween, so everyone is going to be smiling, but I just love my class so much! They make me laugh every day. We act completely silly every day and they are really smart! These kids are so much farther ahead than the kids in Ogden. I love being their teacher. Having a job that you love really makes all the difference. I also work with the best two women in the world. We plan our weeks together. We help and support each other. And we for sure act like complete fools together. I love them so much! We were the best 3 Blind Mice the city of Evanston had ever seen! We even put big bandaids on our bums to cover the spot where our tails had been cut off. I sewed the ears and tails. Our aid was the farmers wife. She carried around the tails all day to taunt us. The kids loved it. We walked down the halls banging everything with our canes. I touched a millions kid's faces with my hands and tried to figure out who they were. It was non-stop laughs all day. So, what can I say, I really love my job. I have a great life here even if the weather mocks me. So, why am I sad today? Why am I having a rough day today? I took a moment to catch up on blogs today. Did a little light reading. I loved seeing everyone's happy little families and all the fall activities they have been doing. But it has left me feeling selfish. And I hate feeling this way.
For those of you that don't know, or remember... My divorce was official 2 years ago this month. I celebrated my D-Day, divorce day mid October 2008. I should be having a party. I should be celebrating. I should be happy. I have had two years with out all the pain, abuse, instability, and lack of responsibility. Yet, here I am feeling sad. Feeling like, "Where is my family?, Where are the pictures of us camping?, Where are the pictures of my new born baby?, Why am I not staying up till 3 am sewing a Halloween costume so my child can be their favorite hero? Why am I not spending Saturday morning doing my family's favorite tradition...making fresh waffles and watching cartoons in our jammies?" Instead, I sit in my jammies alone with my hair exploding off the side of my head and my cat clawing my arm off.
I know that I have plenty to be thankful for and I am. I love what the Lord has blessed me with and I know that my time will come. I know that my babies are waiting for their turn. But today, today is just hard.